"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment." In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression -- only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories. (Filmed at TEDxMet.)
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The emotional burden I carry is so heavy that if I were to let it go, it would crush me to death. Fear and anxiety is the only thing keeping me from lying down and rotting away. Fear of nothingness. But when the pain is so great, when the burden grows and my bones break, my muscles tear, my skin slices open, I can’t help but think Nothing must be better than this.
I tried to hide depression and it leads worse. And the most worst thing is I tried to take happy pills and how to live better. Now through your message, I found solution which I need to be grateful for what I have experienced and recognize it.
"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment." ~ as i live i come across things that bring me closer and closer to finding reason, there is no one answer but it is in our own journey that we find the strength and the little things that make us resilient. always looking for answers but always finding them in myself, best of wishes to you all on your journey ~
I remember watching this video a few years ago when I was in a dark dark place. I'm back in that same place watching this video again. Much love to anyone who suffers this horrible illness that always lurks beneath the surface. 😔
This man's eloquence and accuracy it really is a light in the dark world of the miasma of depression and seeking help. Thank you for this talk. I wish all of my loved ones and physicians and anyone who is connected to depression (that's all of us ? :) would watch this with compassion and an open mind.
My depression has been really bad in the last year. For 6 or 7 months I was completely numb, except for when I had breakdowns. I found some hope in music, and since then I feel like I have gotten better, internally. Even though from the outside I have recent cuts on my skin. It's just a bad coping mechanism. I'm trying to go clean, but the other night I snapped. I had never felt so weak. I can't promise myself it won't happen again, but I can keep trying. I'm not going to give up. I don't want to die like I used to, I just want this period of my life to be over. I think I am capable of finding vitality, I just need to put in effort and give it time.
Depress. Is. Real. I'm. So depress. Do. Not. Went. To. I'm. In. So. Not. Happy. I'm so. Depress. 👀. Do. Not. Went. To. Do. 👀. Talk. My. Mom. And. She. Was sad. For. Me. So. She. Give. Me. A. Book. To. Just right. In.
I’ve had depression since I was a young girl. It hits me slowly, almost like a slow motion accident. Sometimes I don’t want to go out, other times I go for walks. Sometimes I want to walk away from my job because I go into my dark tunnel. It’s gotten harder at 35 to deal with certain things. But I push on because in some way that is all I can do.
Could anyone help me please and tell if I'm really depressed or what coz I know that isn't just sadness coz I stuck in this feeling since 2 and half years and I still feel the same I don't feel happy at all all I want or could do is just going to my dark room to my bed even though I'm in my bed I still feel tired sometimes I just can't go to school litterlay my headache is my best friend now and my actual friends are just unanswered massages i don't know really how to look in peoples faces just afraid they might knew that something is wrong and i can't answer so the best thing I can do is just give them a fake smile and tell em I'm fine to make them stop but i can't really stop and I don't really know how to explain it it's weird it sucks and I need help what should I do and what do I have I actually tried to talk to my mum but she didn't understand me she thinks that I'm just sad well I'm not I'm tired and please guys help i don't want to die this early coz I thought about that but I'm too scared HELP PLEASE
Depression is recent phenomen. Thoe it has been around awhile in history never on this scale. This can only point to one culprit. Chemical conspiracy. The food we eat and what we injest. Its an unavoidable behaviour. An expopited by those who weld this global weapon. I supect relgious nut jobs and am risking my life in divulging this secret information. Ever notice how relgious folks are always happy. Ever notice how your not. Feeling a bit inferior are we. A bit not sensitive enough a bit lethargic a bit sub human. A lil sad even. Your brains are under control dampend to make the rulers lives easier. A planet a slow and arkward think brains. Cant concentrate recently how odd indeed. Amazing how just your brains arnt quiet feeling right but you can still spawn and buy and sort of function. Be pre warned depression is merly a mask over you brain feeding to lies. Your brains are in fact fine.
You are bringing me hope by this. Thank you so much. I am on the level, when I decided to get help somewhere. To anyone out there, with the same age as me, which is 20, don't be afraid to talk to your teacher or school psychologists, that is nothing wrong. I feel empty, but telling about my problem to other people, who are specialists, brings me relief. Trust me. Get help, it will only get worse and worse, but as soon as you will gain that awareness of the problem, it will start becoming easier for you to live. I am hoping, that one day I will feel something else than generalized pain. I am with you, you are not alone!
He understands depression no doubt about it. I went through 3 plus years of isolation and wishing to die. Turns out I have Bipolar 2 that is now being managed. I started my channel to give tools to people dealing with major depression, using my own experience to share. If it saves one life the work is worth it.
Has anyone here gotten the surgery he spoke of? I’ve been battling treatment-resistant major depressive disorder for 30 years. I’m so desperate for help I would get a labatomy if a doctor would be willing to do it. I’ve tried everything imaginable from religion to meds to achievements to therapy from all schools of thought and nothing stops the pain. I know I can’t commit suicide but I can’t tolerate life. I feel so trapped.
#1 worst thing to experience. Its very serious and I wish there was an easy way to escape when the universe starts in w/ it's nonsense by caving you in w/ ℵ1 atoms. Keep your mind occupied in any way is what works best I think. Go out and ride a bike no matter what! Chat w/ friends, watch p0rnhub😉 just try and FIGHT!
I've watched this many times. The first time i watched it i had a really severe depression, one that i had been in for many years. After i had discovered this video, i would watch it over and over. It feels so strange now, to watch this having fairly recently overcome my depression. Nevertheless, still so very uplifting.
I have no idea the inner critic, something taught in high school positive psych, is the main and only cause of one of the greatest depressive episodes that ever exist. I am grateful for my positive psychology teacher for teaching us how to combat that during mindfulness, everyday.
"The opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality"It's a difficult one for me because happiness to me is the power that fuels my vitality to do everything. At the moment i'm not happy about something and although that fuels my vitality to do something about just that, the vitality to do other things when i was happy is gone
I just remembered my psychiatrist telling me that one of the causes of my depression is because I don't want to cry since I believe that crying is weakness...now, if circumstances ask for me to cry, I always promise myself a good cry to release my inner emotional tensions...and I find it very helpful to gain resilience...for about 16 years...without any medication...by choice.
I shattered from inside when he said that all depressed people say " We all are gonna die in the end and the truth lies".Being 21 years old I think about death every day every hour but still, I am strong.
Does medication even work for someone? I’d love to hear about someone stating that they really got help from medication, after years I feel I cannot keep the hope or faith in anti-depressive medication anymore. More than frustrated I’m damn angry. I want to hit someone, everyone. I want to hurt everyone physically. This all feels like fucking huge joke on me. I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to hold myself back.
I aim to one day pick this man’s brain. I challenge my intellect as much as I can, and I am learning now more than ever to block out distractions. It is a firm practice with promising results. However, I am not always surrounded by like minded individuals. It seems nobody can comprehend or “keep up” sort to speak with my brain and I.
One day, Sir, you and I will talk.
İf you dont have an uncurable disease or pain you cant get rid of then you have no right to be depressed,i'll understand if someone with cancer is depressed but you shouldn't take life so serious,you have one life,it can be over with an blink of an eye,after you die youre not gonna worry about anything anyways,its gonna be dark but quite. Be happy youre healthy.
Living with a black dog https://youtu.be/2VRRx7Mtep8 AND HAVE YOUR BLOOD WORK DONE AND CHECK THE OUTCOME YOURSELF > MAINLY LOOK OUT FOR FERRITIN (IRON) AND VITAMIN B12, IF LOW CAN LEAD TO DEEP DEPRESSION, AS WELL AS A BAD GUT FLORA (SMALL VARIETY IN GUT BACTERIA CREATED BY TAKING TOO MANY ANTIBIOTICS! ) CAN BE THE REASON FOR YOUR DEPRESSION! LOVE AND HUGS KRISTINA P.S. MY DOCTOR HAS OVERLOOKED MY LOW FERRITIN AND B12 LONGER THAN 3 YEARS. I EVEN THOUGHT I HAD ADHD!
I have depression. I know I do; I have the medication for it in my bathroom cabinet. But now when I look back on it, I just remember feeling really cold. I have always be able to handle cold weather, but when the freezing feeling comes from inside you, what can you do about it?
At one point, I said "I am going to dive from this landing" and the only reason I didn't was because there were people below and I didn't want to get them bloody.
Then one day, my depression stopped crushing me. It let me take a step forward and now I am going through some of the best days of my life after what feels like a bizarre accident of clarity.
"depression is the flaw in love." such a beautiful put. depression is not scary. it is a journey you need to go through in order to find that love and compassion you once had as a child. it is the process of reborn.
Honestly, I hate depression with a passion (pretty sure everyone does). I had it for about 5 years now. it started out as sadness after one of my friends was killed, but after months went past my life started to spiral downwards badly. I started losing friends, family members passed away, and my life seems to have come to a halt while all my friends and family lives somehow accelerated. Year after year its become worst and worst. 2014 was kinda ok, 2015 was when I started feeling alone, 2016, 2017, & 2018 were the worst.
2016 was the first year I've ever thought about suicide in my life I felt completely alone like no one cared about me, not my mom, sister, brother, not even myself. I've contemplated about every way I could possibly kill myself. from pills to a gun. there were moments I would be playing my Xbox and then after a while, I would stop and start staring into space about my pathetic life. I would literally go into my old house just to sit by myself and wonder why am I always alone like I didn't know the answer to it.
In 2017, I actually started to just roam the streets at night, from 12am to 4am, hoping that someone would come to me and kill me so that I wouldn't have to live in the life anymore. I would walk about a mile through the most dangerous areas I could think of until my legs would hurt. I would even walk through the street without a single care in the world hoping that before I come to my senses would be hit by a car or trunk.
2018 is the worst year by far. everything that happened in the previous years manifested and turned into new habits. throughout the day there would be random moments when I would doze off and just think about beating someone and stomping their head into the ground. Also, I've become emotionally unstable. just the sight of a problem I'm having would cause tears to come rushing out of my eyes.
Just a few days ago I thought to myself that my life will end in either 2 ways, either I'm gonna commit suicide or I'm gonna go to jail. honestly, I probably would've been committed suicide if it was for the birth of my nephew. for the past months, for some reason, I had moments when I would doze off and plan out my suicide in the future. One of my plans were to wait until my nephew's first day of school just so I could see him walk into and pick him up from school for my first and final time.
sometimes, things are against you. Depression is overwhelming. Its so hard to break free from those cold chains of depression. I feel chained to the ground as I scream to nothing. Darkness, cold, lonely and empty. Depression drains you of you. A mistake that you regret will hunt you. I hope I live, but living is so hard. When I wake up from sleeping, that's when my nightmare begins. Till what end should I keep hating each day. Feel so empty.
I was depressed too much once. I was fed up with the feeling of depression. Thats when i realized why not use it. I thought every thing through. It became easy for me to put meaning to things during it. And thats how it became the most memorable time of my life. I explored the world of beleifs.
The fact that it has a negative connotation should not stop you from feeling deep.
So enjoy the state of depression.
At 15 I was suicidal. I was convinced that I didn't want the world, and the world didn't want me and never would. No one that I would want to love me ever would love me, there was nothing I wanted and nothing I wanted to do, et etc. I was sure that I was doomed to a life of empty loneliness and drudgery. I was more than willing to kill myself if I could be sure I wouldn't end up in a worse situation, but I wasn't convinced of that. (I was actually afraid that I would end up as a spirit or something, still feeling empty, lonely and bored, and at that point there would be no possibility of ever changing things.)
As time went by, I began to realize that what I was dealing with a kind of chronic pain, that was sometimes very intense and sometimes less, and occasionally only really noticeable if I thought about it. It was mental/emotional, but it was really very much like physical pain. Specific beliefs, like the idea that I was stupid or unattractive in particular ways could bring on a bout of it, but the pain could often be present and intense even when there really weren't any specific beliefs I was believing that I could put a finger on to justify it.
Some other things happened, kind of in parallel. At first they'll sound completely unrelated, but bare with me:
I occasionally get hiccups. People suggested various things, the thing I found works for me is holding my breath. If I concentrate, and hold my breath for a while, I can make hiccups go away. I might have to do it several times, but if I just persist at it a little bit, it works for me. There's a kind of "holding down" the muscles involved so they can't spasm, until they relax and quit trying to spasm.
There's a kind of similar thing I do for ear ringing. If I concentrate, I can make ear ringing go away. I listen to the ringing, and then I imagine the ringing. The same tone, the same timbre, from the same direction, only a little louder. If a little louder doesn't work, I make it a lot louder. I reproduce the sound in my imagination, until the sound I'm hearing in my imagination completely covers the sound I'm actually hearing. Then I stop imagining it. And the ringing is gone! It works like magic for me. I was amazed when I discovered this.
Growing up I always had this sense of fear, this sense of oppression, about a dark, malevolent spirit under the bed or in the closet or in the garage. In dreams I fled frantically from disembodied faces in mirrors and windows. At one point I was so tired of having that fear always around that I tried to just physically face the thing down. I walked through a dark parking lot in the rain to a phone line pole where I sensed the cold, dark thing I feared. It was like my fear was emanating from that pole. When I got to it, I reached out and touched it, daring it to manifest in some way so I could face it physically. It didn't do anything, it just sat there, making me fear it with incredible intensity.
But eventually I came upon a way to banish it. When this discovery came to me, it was like a complete transformation, a 180 degree turn in that aspect of my life. I never suffered from that sense of fear and oppression again, even to this day. The way it came is a whole other story, which I suppose might be critically important for it to work, but essentially, the method itself goes like this: I look at the floor, or some spot right near me, and think about that spot, where I sense that there is nothing to fear in that spot, and I capture that sensation of there being nothing to fear. I become acutely aware of what that feels like, sensing a place where I sense nothing to fear. Then I think about other places around me, and sort of deliberately make myself sense nothing to fear in those places. (I do this if I'm intellectually convinced that there isn't anything. It's a way of trying to bring my emotions in line with my rational reasoning ability.) I think about the counter next to me, the floor some distance away, the area under the bed, in the closet, in the garage, in the back and front yards, in the street, and so on. I keep doing that until I have "pushed" the sense of fear so far away that I don't feel it at all anymore! And for me it worked like magic. I don't know if it will keep on working, but it has worked for many years, now. In fact I don't even have to do it anymore, the thing has given up and gone away entirely. And let me tell you, the absence of fear, when you've been terribly afraid, is a kind of heaven.
So. Depression. At one point in my early 20's, I was once again depressed enough that I felt that I was in danger of ending my life if I didn't deal with it. "Hmm. This is really bad. If I don't get get ahold of myself, I'm going to die." I thought. So.. I treated it like a "mind over matter" thing. Like hiccups or ear ringing or fear. I grabbed hold of my belt, and pulled up really hard. (No, I didn't give myself a wedgie. I pulled up on the sides, not the front or back.) I hauled myself off my bed.
Like suppressing hiccups, I worked at suppressing my "negative thought" mental muscle spasms. I sat down and addressed each negative thought I could think of, and thought rationally about them, until I was able to come to some relatively positive conclusions about them. "I'm more attractive than a lot of people. Some people like the way I look." And various other things like that. I didn't feel any better yet, but I had more positive rational beliefs. So then I addressed my feelings, and sort of yelled at them, and said "NO! THAT IS NOT TRUE!" about each negative thought, and said "THIS IS WHAT IS TRUE!" about each better belief about that negative thought and sort of relentlessly kept at that for a while. Then I relaxed for a bit, then did it again, and then later on did it again, and so on. I persisted at it. I didn't tell myself ridiculously positive things or anything, I just told myself things I knew rationally were reasonable things to believe that weren't nearly so bad as what the voices in my head had been saying to me. Every time a negative feeling would come, about something that would happen, I would identify it with a false negative belief, and I would sternly take myself aside and say "Now, look, you know that's not necessarily true! You know it doesn't necessarily have to be true. Just have a little patience. Make a better thing true by believing it is true. You know that your reality is shaped by what you believe about it. So STOP cursing your life!"
Like the ear ringing, I made myself aware of the sense of pain, and I imagined the pain. I imagined feeling it. I tried to make my imagination of the pain worse than the actual pain I felt - and then I STOPPED imagining it. For me, I found that this effort was herculean, and I was short of breath by the end of it, but I had succeeded to very substantial extent.
Like pushing away fear, I found things to laugh about. I found things to feel good about. Small things. Tiny things. I listened to comedians. I did little creative things and worked at them until I felt good about how they came out. And when the demon came that said what I'd made was pointless and worthless I wrestled it down and threw it out the ring of my mind. I relentlessly denied it any access to me. And when I had positive feelings I concentrated on them. Like a place where there's nothing to fear, this was a place where true, positive feelings existed! And I tried to insert that feeling everywhere in my life that I possibly could.
One other thing I did for a while was I quit listening to secular music. I only listened to christian music. Which is ridiculous, I know, and I certainly listen to secular music these days, because I like it so much better, but. The thing is, the feelings associated with secular music are very depressing and awful compared with the feelings associated with christian music. You don't notice that until you've tried quitting secular music for a while. It's like leaving a bathroom that you've stunk up, closing the door and leaving the fan off, and then going back into it a minute or two later. "Omg! I didn't know how bad I'd made it smell!" Yeah. Secular music has really depressing feelings associated with it. So anyway I knew that, so I made a couple of tapes of christian songs I found that I could at least stand, and made myself listen to those and completely cut out secular music for a few months. I was literally afraid for my life, so. Extreme measures seemed called for.
After several months of doing all this, I was a lot better, and now that it's been quite a lot of years... once in a long while I'll wake up at night feeling like I'm in a tight fitting coffin buried alive under a mountain. And I can't move and I can't breathe. And it's really scary for a few minutes. But I get up and I move around and I do my mental things and. It quickly dissipates, thank gawd. But the vast majority of the time, I'm in a place where I'm more-or-less entirely free of any significant pain. Oh I get pretty miffed at and hurt by some people sometimes, and I sometimes miss my dead parents or something. And that's always rough, but. In general, living in the more-or-less complete absence of that really life threatening emotional pain is like living in heaven by comparison.
It was like a sort of mental physical therapy. After I successfully strengthened the right muscles, the pain faded and eventually left. I do have to do a little stretching and a few exercises from time to time to maintain it, but. Nothing like what I had to do to climb out of the black hole gravity well.
What a precise, measured public speaker- bravo, sir! You really captured the ineffable misery of real, major depression. Seems to me great minds, characters, and speakers often struggle with clinical depression more frequently and deeply than most. It's a curious truism. In a way it can be kind of a gift- if you can harness it.
Antidepressants are medications that can help relieve symptoms of depression, social anxiety disorder, anxiety disorders, seasonal affective disorder, and dysthymia, or mild chronic depression, as well as other conditions.
They aim to correct chemical imbalances of neurotransmitters in the brain that are believed to be responsible for changes in mood and behavior.
Depression Medications (Antidepressants)
These are the most commonly prescribed type of antidepressant.
Serotonin and noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) are used to treat major depression, mood disorders, and possibly but less commonly attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders, menopausal symptoms, fibromyalgia, and chronic neuropathic pain.
SNRIs raise levels of serotonin and norepinephrine, two neurotransmitters in the brain that play a key role in stabilizing mood.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are the most commonly prescribed antidepressants. They are effective in treating depression, and they have fewer side effects than the other antidepressants.
SSRIs block the reuptake, or absorption, of serotonin in the brain. This makes it easier for the brain cells to receive and send messages, resulting in better and more stable moods.
They are called "selective" because they mainly seem to affect serotonin, and not the other neurotransmitters.