It doesn’t make much sense when we try to hide our good deeds, even though we know that we would get rewards from doing something good. Scientists are trying to solve this our bizarre behavior by using game theory.
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Hiding good deeds is among the best way to avoid inflating your ego, being arrogant and looking down on others in Islam. But when a person does advertise their good deeds, it's to encourage others to do the same eg fundraisings, helping the community, helping animals etc And concealing of good deeds makes a person to be more humble and not raise expectations of others too much. Eg giving donations anonymously. Infact it's one of the best forms of charity in Islam. It will make your recipient not need to feel indebted to you. Just thought to share this tidbit about Islam to anyone who is curious. Cus I am sure many don't know thanks to our media today. Have a good day people!
But what about a situation where the good deed has zero chance of being discovered, and the person is aware of that but still does it? (for example, a truly anonymous donation where even the charity would not know your identity.)
the other reasons would be not being an easy mark from your good deeds. like scammers, frauds for donations wise. you want to do things at your own time/ terms and not be badgered abt it. cause if you don't, they plsy on the judgemental/ guilt part.
it could be that if you tell someone that you did a good deed, it makes it seem to other people that you did it explicitly so that other people will approve and think youre a good guy. in fact i was just in a conversation yesterday with someone about this guy who was on the news for donating to this poor family for christmas presents and he got interviewed and stuff and we were prettymuch discussing how he didnt really solve any problems and hes going to be smelling his own farts for a year over it. and if you did do a good deed for no reason other than to be a good person but other people viewed you negatively for it would feel really unfair and would lend to some cognitive dissonance.
The argument is not that all people who perform altruistic acts are intentionally doing it for social approval, but rather that the behavior - and the concept of morality as a whole - evolved because on average, it improved the individual's social standing and increased their chances of passing on their genes, as well as spreading their ideas / behaviors (memes) through raising their cultural influence.
I don't hide my good deeds, but I feel no obligation to share them with you. I mean unless you really want to know, which would be as awkward as me assuming you want to know from the start. But then, I usually don't feel obliged to speak in general.
Bragging about charitable donations might induce others to give too.
But then it might also get the attention of violent groups. Help refugees - well that gets noticed.
I do not think that charity organisations here (Denmark) are that powerful. There is no political reward. You do not land a better job by doing good.
I disagree with this stance. I'm no scientist, but I don't think this kind of thing is really a measurable evolutionary competition. Good and bad arent psychologically based, it's philosophically and morality based. People who do good things without anyone knowing and dont boast or bring it up do it simply because it was good. Talking about it or bringing it up causes a sense of... tarnish, like a stain. It inherently weakens the good deed because of selfish motivation, a bad deed
But I'm just some person commenting on a video so 🤷♀️
My entire life I've been unconsciously hiding my good deeds from the people close to me, but in the end they always default to "you never do anything but I did this and this and that". It's toxic and bad. This year I decided to more explicitly state *some* of the things I do. I think it's worked. It's probably due to their psychology, they're "announcers" and thus unconsciously expect me to also be one? Idk. I'm done with being underappreciated (and hurt) though.
I've done many good deeds such as help the homeless by giving them food and money I've done this three times I've given things to people for free because I want them to be happy but I'm not happy I'm always depressed and these good deeds don't even help my moral I've gotten nothing out of it nobody has ever returned the favor it sucks 😔
Ego is a doozy. Being in a 12 step thingy (vague purposly ) has taught selfless not selfish and if you tell your deed its for ego but we all like to be recognized and applauded the only thing relieved my horrid depression was help those who could or haveing trouple helping them selves donating time or helping people fills that little hole in our heart that has never been fill with materialism ect.
Assuming you're not just throwing out words to sound smart, I support positivism over rationalism. Forming beliefs based on observation is the basis of modern science. Rationalism will get you nowhere if you don't stop dreaming and conform to reality.
Seems to leave out the social currency / karma reasoning.. or basically why good people do bad things... I’ve done enough good so I’m allowed on do something bad OR I want to make up for doing something bad by doing something good... there’s always more to it or more possible reasons...
I disagree with the premise that it "usually" makes "zero sense" to not be completely open about feelings about another. Sure, all lot of the time, it is, butthere are definitely plenty scenarios where there is good reason for it.
This is where modern science only seems to complicate matters beyond necessary. Though scientists want to understand all about human behaviour, their way of doing things sometimes make things harder to grasp. Personnally I'd tackle this from another perspective, which is simpler and rather philosophical.
First, we need to put aside the reward-punishment theories to explain human behavioural motives to do good or bad things. The question posed in the video lies within another scope; hiding good deeds doesn't necessarily involve doing good because there's some sort of a reward awaiting or you refrain from bad deeds because there will be punishment. Fear and joy eventually are not good drivers for our actions.
Second, doing good is rarely motivated by such a want that you'll be considered more noble or regarded more highly. Across societies, there've been "wise individuals" since antiquity, and these individuals implicitly understand that, in many cases, many a problem arises because of the way people normally think and understand things, which leads to more or less "plotted" actions and self-satisfactory construal of the objective world. To sensible persons, doing good is simply just for the sake of it, not because of anything else. It's not that they don't feel joy when they've done something good, but to them, it just feels needless to even mention about it. Another reason for concealing benevolences is that, to some people, they simply feel good with keeping things quiet, they don't want to get involved in some fuss (such as that they're publicly praised for doing good); in that case, too much attention actually causes discomfort for them; just like how some people are constantly seeking the spotlight, while others deem that needless. Altruists are generally alike that they don't actually need the spotlight; and this trait is linked to modesty, which is pretty innate to some individuals. If you plot to do something good then hide it just with the intention of making people think highly of you, then, by nature, that is never modesty.
You think that there's no downside to confessing your love to someone? Sure it may turn out great, but what if they don't feel the same? It very well may damage your relationship with them, regardless of how close you are to them. I'm sorry, but I'm not just gonna confess to someone when I'm more than certain that they don't feel the same... It's not objectively a positive thing to do. Now, maybe not acting disinterested would make sense, but saying you like someone isn't really what I think of when I hear "good deed".
Another thing you should think about is if eg. everyone know you were donating money, more people will start asking you for money as you may be more likely to give it. So you end up getting exploited and maybe end up helping people over your own capacity.
Hiding your interest in someone could make sense because you have more time to get to know each other and show of your good traits in a way that dont just seem like bragging or lack of self insight, and also evaluate if you like that person enough yourself to be in a relationship. If you first ask and then mess up its likely you wont get another chance.
You missed a few very important and obvious possibilities:
- First, and most importantly the person doing good deeds might consider them selfish acts, even though it doesn't at all look like that from the outside. You might've done it because you were lazy somewhere else. Or you're making up for something that others don't consider that bad. So while trying the balance things out with good deeds, others knowing and praising you for it might result in feeling shame, but at least an awkward situation.
- In situations where you can choose to share the info, sharing it can be considered bragging.
- People might not want to push expectations of themselves higher in others' eyes.
- Some people can't handle the situations when they're in the centre of attention.
I think there's a much more simple explanation for those behaviors.
First, the reward for your good actions never really come from the outside. It's always your brain itself releasing that dopamine or other hormone that make you feel good. So, why not picture this secretive altruism as just the consequence of an internal brain mechanism triggering that hormonal response?
Just like, you know, beliefs.
That does apply to charity donations (mostly for PR reasons), but I don't think it applies to job interviews as much. Sometimes if you don't show them what your abilities are (dontre over do it, of course), they will assume you don't know it.
Interesting analysis, but I think there's another reason we might hide those good deeds - to avoid dropping bait. It's an unfortunate truth in the world we have that there are those among us who see those good deeds and perceive the donor as a mark. Make one high-profile donation and suddenly there is a horde outside your door with their hand out. Or some in those horde could have more aggressive means in mind than just a plea, and brought a gun. Keep it anonymous, and stay off the radar, so to speak. Which falls in line with evo-psych, a learned response to satisfy our empathetic need to help others without attracting predators in the process.
Why behavioral sciences have to assume all human behavior is inherently selfish is beyond me. A computer simulation of human behavior told you that even someone donating money anonymously is really just doing it to impress people, wow thanks guys
I like to secretly do bad deeds. People often become stronger through adversity, but if they know it’s me sabotaging their happiness, or success, they don’t thank me for challenging them. They just get angry.
I am definitely not modest. When I do something good(which is pretty damn often) I tell everyone. And no, people do not like me. And I don't care, they can suck on it. All I can say is, if you don't like hearing about it go and do something good yourself.
Christ on humility and charity:
"Beware of practicing your piety before men in order to be seen by them; for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give alms, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by men. Truly, I say to you, they have their reward.
"But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
so that your alms may be in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
Well, if you tell people you did something good then it means you are prideful. Pride is a sin, tho I am not religious I don't to be happy about my good deeds, and I don't tell people because good should be the usual, the everyday stuff, the expected.... I don't talk about everyday stuff.... 's boring
I can tell you why some people conceal good deeds, they just don't really want to talk about it with anyone. Maybe the good deed was under traumatic circumstances, or maybe they're simply annoyed by praise they see as over zealous.
Modest or being humble? For me personally I find it morally wrong to expect rewards or incentives for doing good. I also don't like favors because now I feel that I owe someone for that favor, and I've seen this quality in others. Basically I want to do good on my own time without people feeling obligated to repay it. At least that's the only reason I can think of as to why I act that way.
I hide my good deeds because I don't want to unnecessarily raise people's expectations of me. If I donate money once and everyone knows about it, it's going to put pressure on me to continue to donate money at every opportunity in order to maintain my new reputation, which is unsustainable and when I eventually fail to do so, the hit to my reputation will outstrip any gains.
Simple. People feel like the good act is being negated by witnesses who think that 1. Flaunting this good act is frowned upon and/or 2. Witnessing this good act makes you feel bad about yourself for not doing it.
And I think we also don't like to be reminded that we did something good as it draws unnecessary attention and "fame".
one time someone was around me when i gave food to someone downtown and they praised me for.. being nice? honestly it felt really weird that someone praised me for just being nice to someone who needed food. so i just hide it and dont mention it anywhere normally because helping people is good enough for me and calling attention to it just feels bad.
In my "perfect world", I don't have to hide anything. In this weird world of humans, I need to hide how much resources (money...no, I do not have much; but, still I have more than those wasteful types around me) I have.
Can't a person just do a nice thing because they feel like it's the right thing to do? I wasn't aware psychology believed secretive altruism came down to brown-nosing with certain more powerful figures..
I'm not an expert, but I believe the idea is that morality - a sense of what's "right" - is in and of itself an evolved behavioral pattern that survived due to its effectiveness. For example, if group A was full of individuals who were inclined to help each other and work in a group, whereas group B's members were not, ultimately group A would be more likely to survive since working together gives them an edge. This allows the survival of the species, and especially of the traits of group A. And members of group A would feel like helping each other is "right."
So maybe you, as an individual, donate to charities in secret because you feel like it's "right," and nobody is arguing with you - scientists are saying simply that it feels "right" because such behaviors ultimately give its bearers (so, people like you) an advantage in society, which is why you feel inclined to do it.
But... why? As someone interested in psychology, I’m curious about why people would want to hide good deeds, why humans even feel that something is “right” or have a moral compass. It’s not about someone's motives for me but rather what’s going on in their brain.
A reason for being silent about altruistic acts is that having done it can improve personal feeling of self-value. Also it can be part of making the world a nicer place, as the receiver may become more likely to also help out without expecting some sort of reputation boost, or other external benefit.
With a theory it’s always finding ONE answer. I’ve noticed multiple times, in everything, that nothing is a “one size fits all” solution. So it’s never one answer or solution. Also in this case there are LOTS of reasons why people would, totally depending on the person. Everyone’s different.
With a theory it’s always finding ONE answer. I’ve noticed multiple times, in everything, that nothing is a “one size fits all” solution. So it’s never one answer or solution. Also in this case there are LOTS of reasons why people would, totally depending on the person. Everyone’s different
I think that people do good deeds, not for social approval or to help other people but just because it feels good. This is a stupid example but I can’t afford to donate to charity yet lol but if there’s rubbish in the common room I throw it away because I just feel like I’m doing something good. I don’t really need to announce it to anyone because it’s not their reaction that determines how good I feel about the action.
Invisible support is often better for a relationship than visible support, which might make the other feel self-conscious and doubtful of themselves (thoughts like, do I really look that incompetent?) Maybe anon impulses evolved to improve relationships.
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